"So it goes." Wise words, spoken by the one and only, Kurt Vonnegut. Meaning the dismissal of emotion—it packs into three simple, world-weary words that simultaneously accept and dismiss everything. It neatly encompasses a whole way of life. More crudely put: "Shit happens, and it's awful, but it's also okay. We deal with it because we have to."
Every now and then, I feel like I am swimming underwater. This is not a joke about living in a wet climate. Being depressed dulls things, makes me feel less, makes things look darker, makes food taste bland, makes things that usually bring happiness less satisfying somehow. I still look for those happier things. I still go through life and do my best to really live, and I have degrees of happiness within a more confined range of feelings. I just can't seem to connect the way I want to. Everything is muffled, limited, farther out of reach, insulated. It's very difficult to explain.
Then there are days where a little light comes on, and it's like I am surfacing; out from under the water and into the sun. Things are warm, touched with light, colorful and beautiful. Life becomes breathtaking. Love feels more piercing and exquisite. Food tastes unbelievable. Breathing brings satisfaction and just a look or a touch from someone else makes a connection. Those moments are what makes all the swimming underwater worth it. It's worth it just for the surfacing.
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