Rely on yourself. That's it.

I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people you once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out. How people become distant and wait for you to question why- so they feel more comfortable coming out with it because they are prompted to do so.

This is the thing...

When you hit your late 20's, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20's to learn and grow, to find themselves, people who know what works and what doesn't, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there's the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They've stayed in jobs they hate, because they're too scared to get another one. They've stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don't want to be lonely. Their intentions are to develop intimate friendships, to stop drinking like life is one big frat party but instead they live an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don't be like that.

Move. Travel. Take a class, take a risk. DO THINGS OTHER THAN DRINK AND WORK! Don't lose yourself at happy hour, but don't lose yourself on the corporate ladder, either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal and ask some good questions like, "Am I proud of the life I'm living? What have I tried this month? Do people I spend time with give me life or do they make me feel small? Is there anything broken in my life that's keeping me from moving forward?"

Just whatever you do, don't get stuck in this downward spiral of self-pity and stagnant repetition. You're too wise for all that.

"So it goes."

"So it goes." Wise words, spoken by the one and only, Kurt Vonnegut. Meaning the dismissal of emotion—it packs into three simple, world-weary words that simultaneously accept and dismiss everything. It neatly encompasses a whole way of life. More crudely put: "Shit happens, and it's awful, but it's also okay. We deal with it because we have to."

Every now and then, I feel like I am swimming underwater. This is not a joke about living in a wet climate. Being depressed dulls things, makes me feel less, makes things look darker, makes food taste bland, makes things that usually bring happiness less satisfying somehow. I still look for those happier things. I still go through life and do my best to really live, and I have degrees of happiness within a more confined range of feelings. I just can't seem to connect the way I want to. Everything is muffled, limited, farther out of reach, insulated. It's very difficult to explain.

Then there are days where a little light comes on, and it's like I am surfacing; out from under the water and into the sun. Things are warm, touched with light, colorful and beautiful. Life becomes breathtaking. Love feels more piercing and exquisite. Food tastes unbelievable. Breathing brings satisfaction and just a look or a touch from someone else makes a connection. Those moments are what makes all the swimming underwater worth it. It's worth it just for the surfacing.

I've learned...

I wish that I wrote this because I dig it.

I've learned...

I've learned that we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that something that you do in an instant, can give you heartache for life.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be that last time you see them.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and still have a good time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up.

I've learned that sometimes when I am angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love eachother. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love eachother.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secrect, it may change you life forever.

I've learned that sometimes the people that you love most in lfe, are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just dont care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in life, but who you have that counts.

I've learned that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that even when you feel you have no more to give, a friend cries out and you find the strength to help.

I've learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced our lives, but we are responsible for who we become.

Get with it, already.

Right now, more than ever, I feel there are no good people in existence. Where are all the good, honest, sincere and praiseworthy people? I'm not perfect and I definitely make my fair share of mistakes but I always try to mean well. I try to be suitable and influence with my words, although I am notorious for unintentionally embellishing and amplifying my expressions, in which, when brought my attention, I am always quick to apologize. And mean it. I really, really mean it. I never want to hurt someone, and I definitely don't want to hurt the same person twice. I wish I knew more people who are interested in apologizing when they hurt someone's feelings. It should never be your intention to upset another person. Whether you think you are right or wrong- it shouldn't matter. I'm tired of being unpredictably betrayed. I'm sick of having these uncommon expectations of friendships and work partners. I'm fed-up with the lack of reliability, frankness, and sincerity in just about everyone I know and cross. More people need to work on being more self-sacrificing and open-handed or we are purposefully screwed as a society.

Team Motivation!

Today, while driving to work, I saw this couple on the island holding hands, walking together with a trash bag and they would stop, pick up a piece of paper, a cup, or other piece of trash someone dropped and throw it in the trash bag. It really is little things like this that make the world go 'round in my opinion. There is no special monetary compensation for this action. No point system exists where $5 bonuses are given out for every fifteen pieces of trash that someone picks up. There is also no special monitoring system in place which watches for people who don’t do it and then issues penalty points. Yet, people are motivated to do it anyway. I think that's awesome! Some questions arose regarding this on my drive, the primary one being "What drives them to take time out of their day to do something like that?" I came up with something that many people lack, that being MOTIVATION. Individuals lacking in motivation not only detriment themselves but they also effect those around them who are stuck "picking up the trash" so-to-speak. So it's time to get the ball runnin', get crack-a-lackin', and motivate those you care about whom are in a collapsing sink-hole and those who work for, or with you who are basically doing nothing but making yours, and fellow employees jobs, harder.

So we as a society need to encourage folks to get off their lazy "tookis-lingus" (shout out to Brian Buege!) and become a well-oiled team machine. This is not only regarding picking up roadside rubbish, but things we, as individuals need to come together on. Issues such as alternative energy - we definitely need to unite to find a source of usable energy to replace fuel sources without the undesired consequences, if you don't agree with that, I think you're crazy.) and recycling (more available recycling facilities would be nice and one way to obtain those is to join forces but it takes effort, god forbid.), volunteering at pet shelter - those dogs need a good walkin', or just becoming a more successful and motivated person in general. Who likes failures?

We need to start clearly articulating what needs to be accomplished and why (getting people to accomplish things is not that they are unmotivated, it is that they are uninformed), involve people in finding the solutions (people are more motivated to succeed at something if they personally choose to attempt it), link folks personal goals with the general goals and move the negative people off the team because who wants to be around a bummer cloud?

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow-men; and along those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects." - Herman Melville

The willingness is up to you.

Friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient. It's about being there when it's not.

I'm bored and going through old magazines and journals in my desk drawer and just came across this article I found about 3 years ago in PLoS Medicine and it blew me away. It compared "low social connectedness to having the same health impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, to being an alcoholic and more harmful than not exercising and twice as harmful as obesity." Wow. Well, hell.

I'm not a big fan of telling people how many friends they need. We're all different, but I would be happy with somewhere between 5-10 meaningful friendships. The other report in this article says that "half of us have less than 2 people we'd call real friends." Um, yep. I'd say that's about right. I'd say there seems to be some discrepancy between my experience and my ideal...

Note that there is a difference between how many people you're friendly with versus how many people you call a friend. A freaking huge difference. It's common to assume we have lots of friends, but when we examine it we realize we simply know a lot of friendly people through work, school and whatnot. An easy test for me is to ask myself "How many people would I feel comfortable asking for a ride to the airport?" or "Who is in my life that I could get in touch with last-minute to see if they were available to hang out without it feeling weird?" Easy things-I'm not even talking about pet or house-sitting here.

So I started to ponder why this is, as I have many times before. And thought of two things that consistently detriment friendships of my own and those around me. Those two things are 1.) lack of dependability and 2.) lack of communication. BOOM. Betta believe it!

As far as dependability goes, I have many friends who frequently commit to plans, then never show. Some never explain…never bring it up…and never apologize. Although this example is somewhat trivial, it still makes a point. Obviously, there are times when things come up that prevent individuals from following through on what they promise, but if a friend perpetually drops the ball, I take it as a message. When a friend says they are going to do something or be somewhere, you should be able to count on them. And, in reciprocation, they you.

Secondly, communication. Which, for those of you who know me well, you know communication holds exceptionally true to my heart and is vital in every relationship I enter. That being said, if you and your friend (or partner, too) are in a disagreement or argument, or just fighting in general, it's often not as horrible as you think. It is not enjoyable whatsoever and it certainly does not feel good, but fighting/arguing is a form of communication. While you are fighting you are still trying to communicate. What's remarkably worse is when people give up on fighting, stop trying to communicate at all, shut down and go numb. How is there ever going to be any depth in any friendship if you give up every time? Part of what is so fulfilling about friendship is having a falling out and being able to talk about it and put the pieces back together so that this time they are mended even tighter than they were before. If this were the case every time, disagreements with a friend would be a quick and enlightening speed-bump with an even smoother road ahead. So, there. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.